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Telephone 028 90748899 |
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Consider this: Sex is hereditary. If your parents never had it, chances are you won't either. |
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Lady Astor to Winston Churchill: Sir, if you were my husband, I would poison your drink. His reply: Madam, if you were my wife, I would drink it. |
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Why do most men die before their wives ? They want to………. |
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Bartender: I think you've had enough, sir. Drunk: I just lost my wife, buddy! Bartender: Well, it must be hard losing a wife.... Drunk: It was almost impossible! |
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After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband, "You know, I was a fool when I married you." And the husband replied, "Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn't notice." |
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Have you heard about the man whose credit card was stolen but decided not to report it because the thief was spending less than his wife did. |
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How is marriage like a hot bath? Once you get used to it, it’s not so hot.... |
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Marriage is when a man and a woman become as one. The trouble starts when they try to decide which one. |
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The husband rushes in and exclaims to his wife, ‘Pack your bags, I’ve just won the lottery!’ The wife excitedly asks, ‘Should I pack clothes for warm or cold weather?’ to which he replies, ‘Pack them all... you’re leaving!’ |
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At bedtime, the amorous husband prepared two aspirins and a glass of water for his wife. ‘What’s this for?’ She asked ‘Its for your headache dear.’ He replied ‘But I don’t have a headache.’ ‘Whoopee’ |
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Before marriage, a man yearns for the woman he loves. After marriage, the ‘Y’ becomes silent. |
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Marriage is a three ring circus: engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering. |
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An old geezer and his wife are out driving, when a police officer pulls him over. "What seems to be the trouble young man?" asks the old geezer. "Didn't you notice that your wife fell out of the car back there?" "Why, naw, I didn't son. Thanks for telling me, tho. I thought I'd gone deaf." |
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And finally….
Don’t take life too seriously, you’ll never get out alive. |
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A son asked his father ‘Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?’ The father replied ‘I don’t know son, I’m still paying for it.’ |
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Some mornings I wake up grouchy....... and some mornings I just let her sleep |
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There is a very easy way to remember your wife’s birthday, and that is to forget it just once. |
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What’s the difference between a Savings Bond a typical male? At some point the Savings Bond will mature! |
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A perfect wife is… one who helps the husband with the dishes. |
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Before marriage, a man will lie awake all night thinking about something you say. After marriage, he’ll fall asleep before you finish.... |
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What’s the difference between a vision and a sight? When my wife gets dressed up for a party, she looks a vision, and when she wakes up in the morning she’s a sight. |
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Women only have two complaints. Nothing to wear, and not enough closet space. |
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"My husband's such a liar" she said to her friend. "He told me he was with John last night, and I know that he wasn't"? "How come"? "Because John was with me". |
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I haven't spoken to my mother in law for the last 3 years. I don't like to interrupt her. |
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Wedding Jokes |